Growing up, I was the quietest, shyest, the most reserved girl ever. I’m still quiet, still reserved, but a little more confident than I was when I was younger. My family moved a lot so I had trouble making friends in the long term. I did reconnect with one of my childhood friends a few years ago, but we’re two completely different people living two separate worlds. The only thing we have in common, was our fascination with New Kids on the Block.
It was up until high school when I started to make friends. Since I lacked in confidence, I filled that void by joining a “crew” in the 9th grade and also met my first boyfriend KC. He was a graffiti artist at the time and since I was into art too, hanging out with him and his friends influenced me to practice more on my graffiti pieces. And that was when my nickname “Deztine” was created. Whenever I drew up a piece, it made me feel good. As though I accomplished something.
Anyhow, even though I hung out with the “cool” crowd and displayed my passion for street art, I still didn’t feel whole. It felt like something was missing. On weekends, I just stayed in my bedroom and wrote poems to put my mind at ease. Furthermore, I began to turn my poems into songs – the first song I wrote was to the “Tell Me” beat by Groove Theory. I recorded myself using an old AIWA boombox, by connecting a cheap microphone to the aux and pressing “record and play”. I can’t remember exactly how I was able to record my voice over the beat — Oh wait! I do! I played the CD single, used a blank cassette tape, then pressed “record and play”. I literally turned the corner of my bedroom into a ghetto studio. Lol. At 16 years old, I recorded my first track in my friend’s studio. I wish I still had my demo.
Anyway, this is me, this present day. The shy, quiet, and reserved girl lost in a world filled with noise. It’s ironic because this shy girl, also works for an online reggae radio show. It took me awhile to get used to being on air, but that’s only once a week. On most days, I’m sitting quiet in my cubicle minding my own business. Sometimes my coworkers don’t realize I’m there.
Today was a down day for me, however, two of my coworkers stopped by my cubicle today and their presence, their voices, made me feel alive again. I also keep healing crystals and a palo santo with me to help me stay sane through the day.
“It’s hard asking someone with a broken heart to fall in love again.”