One last relationship

I began writing a story in 2015 called “Heartbreak Ave” which was about a girl from the San Francisco Bay Area named Gale who is about to get married to the “man of her dreams”. The story begins on the day of her wedding, then it falls back in time to the very beginning when she first fell in love. I was on a roll writing the story until I began to write the last chapter – fast forward, which falls again, on her wedding day. And that’s when I caught a case of writers block: A 5 year case of writers block.

I couldn’t decide if I wanted my story to have a happy ending or a sad one. Whatever the case, I just want my story to end with a message. But what kind of message? Since then, I’ve been in 2 “relationships”. One which lasted for 7 months with Johnny. My recent one, with Angel which lasted for about 4 years. I normally like to take the lessons I’ve learned from my past relationships and apply it to my writings, but I was just blind in both relationships and ignored all the red flags. They were both liars, lacked communication skills, and didn’t hold an ounce of affection at the end of the day. I can’t even remember the last time they held my hand. So yea, that’s pretty much all I’ve learned.

With that said, I have one more relationship in me before I throw in the towel. I think this last one will help me determine the ending of Heartbreak Ave. I know I shouldn’t rely on a relationship to help me complete my story -but that’s pretty much what the foundation of my story is. When I first picked up my pen to write the first chapter, I was heartbroken and struggling to find myself again. That was almost 6 years ago. Now here I am, after learning many lessons, trying to figure out how to end my story. Does Gale find out that her fiance was cheating in the end? Does she have a change of heart? Does she follow through with the wedding and live happily ever after?

Remember that scene in the movie Sex in the City when Mr. Big leaves carry at the altar? I remember how that scene left me in tears. So I definitely don’t want to end my story on that note.

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Jennifer Flores

I remember the first time meeting Jenn. It was through my younger brother Chris. I remember her smile and that laugh. She was that friend that would go to the mall and buy two cute tops for you and her so you can be twins. She was that friend that wouldn’t post a busted photo of you to embarrass you all over social media. Jenn had long dark brown hair. I used to envy her her for her hair because mine was long and damaged from the countless hair dye. While hers was super healthy.

I could always count on her. When my car broke down numerous times, she would drop everything she did to help me out. She never left me hanging. We took trips together, from Los Angeles to New York. It was her first time in New York. During that time, I broke up with my ex and tried my best to enjoy my mini vacay as much as I could. I was literally crying eating my slice of New York pizza and she was quick to make me laugh. I’ll never forget our long walk on the Brooklyn Bridge.

I remember the day she called me. She was like “Crystal can we talk?” I was all, “Okay what’s up?” And that’s when she told me she was sick and had cancer. I almost dropped the phone but instead, I cried my ass off. My daughter was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2018 and now one of my best friends? Her younger brother Jeffrey was sick with cancer at the time too. And the fact that she was also taking care of him worried me. The thing was with Jenn, when it came to her brother, she dropped everything to help take care of him.

New York 2018

Our last lunch together, we sat and planned our next trip. We planned to go back to LA and New York even. Not once did I think that God was going to take her too soon.

Jenn passed away on my daughter Kaylee’s birthday. The cancer was too aggressive and I guess she couldn’t fight it anymore. Her brother Jeff, passed away on my son’s birthday a month prior. It’s been almost 8 months since she passed and I’m still hurting. Every time I drive, all I could think about is her next to me, dancing to a fire ass track and just talking about guys and the bullshit guys do. I was able to meet her family on the day of her funeral. They were so close knit it made me miss my family and want to hold the ones closer.

Deyzha’s Graduation June 2018

I still don’t understand why God took her too soon. But it looks like he had a bigger mission for her in heaven. I never knew how it felt to lose someone this close to me. Now I do. I can’t even imagine what people go through when they lose their parents or a loved one. Shit hurts. Honestly, I’d rather go through a breakup than lose another person again. I miss her every single day and I have to admit, I do have my little breakdowns here and there. I’m just grateful and thankful that God is healing me every day.

This is why I don’t entertain and trip off of bullshit anymore. I’ve had so much negative energy come my way, it’s crazy. Losing a person like Jenn was like losing a piece of me. She was like my sister. A few weeks ago, I lost my bunny Macchiato. And that one sent me in a downward spiral too. But I love my peace, I love my life and all the people in my life that genuinely care about me. You tend to see life differently when you focus on the ones that are really down for you and uplift you. I am so grateful that I have these people in my life to uplift me when I’m feeling really low. I don’t show it, but I do have my days.

Life is too short to be unhappy. Life is too short to waste your energy on anyone attempting to break your peace. I am at peace knowing that she’s in heaven hanging out with her brother and grandmother. Oh and Macchiato too.

Pray.

If you’ve lost a best friend recently, close your eyes and think of all the memories you’ve had with person. Hold those memories in your heart and embrace it. Friends like that are rare nowadays. Although it may hurt, just know that they are with God watching over you. Remember that it’s totally okay to breakdown and cry sometimes. It’s completely normal. Talk to God and find your answers through him. He will guide you through your journey of healing. I seriously think they should have a “National Best Friend Day” or maybe they already do. Even if it doesn’t exist, I will forever celebrate her life and our friendship as if she’s still in my presence.