Monday Blues

One thing about me is that I’m a transparent person. But I also do respect the privacy of certain individuals especially when it comes to my love life. When I do speak about a person, his/her name will remain anonymous or I might give him a nickname in my posts. Just wanted to note that before I begin.

It has been a week since I went through a “separation” (I like to call it). It still hurts and I’m still having trouble waking up in the morning. I still feel empty when I wake up in the morning and my anxiety is through the roof.

The good news: I made it to work on time.

The bad news: I had one crying spell when my coworker asked me if I was okay.

My coworker normally sends me prayers in the morning by text. I love receiving them but sometimes I read them super late. This morning she visited me at my desk and checked on me. She asked, “Crystal, are you okay?” I turned around and I looked at her and said, “No” then I burst into tears. She quickly walked into my cubicle and put her hand on my shoulder. She said, “Your happiness should not be based on any relationship, friendship, or anyone else. Your happiness is with you. Trust in God. It will get better.” Then she said a short prayer.

I stopped crying shortly after she left my cubicle. I kept sniffling my nose and masking my tears from the rest of my coworkers. Maybe I needed to let out that one huge cry. To be honest, I was really upset with one of my friends yesterday. Instead of asking me if I was okay or asking how I was doing — he straight up asked me, “How are you and your new dude?” REALLY? First of all, why do people even care about how we’re doing? Do I go around asking about your relationships? What I wanted to say is “We both ain’t shit!” I tried not to be rude (well, I kind of did) but that question triggered all of the emotions that I was trying to suppress for a whole week and because of his nosey ass, I was back to square one again.

I don’t think that I’ve ever worked this hard to heal or maybe I’m not trying hard enough. I’ve tried reading articles, listening to positive affirmation videos, shopping, eating, and deep breathing. I even tried to drive around to get my mind off of it. Nothing seems to work. I’ve had one friend, my homie from New York, hit me up to check on me but I feel like I’m making him sad because I’m sad.

Anyway, but what I did do, is find someone to talk to someone from the Employee Assistance Program through my job. I also found another person through my doctor. I meet with her tomorrow and hopefully speaking with her will help me make some progress.

If you’re feeling lost like me, please get help. Talk to someone that you trust or schedule an appointment with a professional.

Hopefully this first step will help with my healing journey and make me feel normal again.

If you’re in need of professional help/talk therapy, click on the link below and get one FREE week with my referral.

It all started with a packet of Taco Bell Hot Sauce…

Cooking Yellow Spanish Rice and Chicken Enchiladas

I love to cook. I’ve been cooking since I was around 11 years old. While my parents were out and about, they would sometimes leave me at home for a short amount of time to babysit my brothers, Chris and Chad. While my parents were gone, to kill time, I would just go to the kitchen and start cooking for my brothers.

One of the first things that I remember cooking when I was a kid was rice — whether if it was regular rice in the rice cooker, Chinese fried rice or Spanish rice. I was super young at the time so I didn’t know anything about certain ingredients or seasonings. I just used whatever I could find in the refrigerator and on the shelves. Threw it in the pot and if it didn’t work out, I’d throw it out and make it all over again. My parents would probably flip out if they ever found out how much food I wasted experimenting.

One day, I wanted to make Spanish rice for my brothers and since I didn’t have Google at the time, I had to guess the recipe from the top of my head. My mother taught me how to cook rice in the rice cooker so that was my first step but also my first mistake. Everything else, I had to guess. One of the most random ingredients that I added to my rice was Taco Bell hot sauce. I don’t know why I did, but it was either that or a packet of mustard. My brothers, who were 6 and 7 years old at the time, wasn’t too excited with the idea of Taco Bell hot sauce in their rice. I could remember how much they cringed they watched me throw in the packets of hot sauce. But hey, I was a rookie! I wish I could remember all the ingredients that I threw in it. My Spanish rice ended up turning out super greasy (oops) —- yet surprisingly good.

Moving forward, I continued to practice cooking different recipes in the kitchen. From Filipino, Sri Lankan to Latin food. With the help of Google and a touch of love, it’s beginning to become an art for me.

I don’t plan on making this a strictly cooking blog, but just know that I will share a lot of cooking content in the future. And maybe some recipes that I’ve mastered along the way.

By the way, I’m leaving to Chicago, IL next month with my daughter, Kaylee. She is my travel buddy and foodie. I can’t wait to share my experience with you since it’ll be my first time there. I’m so ready for Chicago Pizza. I heard they were the next best thing next to New York Pizza. Maybe when I’m there, I’ll pick something up and do a little giveaway. We’ll see.

Yellow Spanish Rice

Thanks for reading and following my journey.